Building healthy relationships: Interpersonal communication
Understanding interpersonal communication
•William James (1986) wrote:
To be alone is one of the greatest of evils for [a person]. Solitary confinement is by many regarded as a mode of torture too cruel and unnatural for civilized countries to adopt. To one long pent up on a desert island the sight of a human footprint or a human form in the distance would be the most tumultuously exciting of experiences (p. 430).
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•Communication is a complex and multidisciplinary concept.
•In social psychology, the communication process plays a key role in interpersonal relations.
–If you have ever moved to a new town, changed schools, or simply spent a weekend by yourself, you may have experienced the feeling of loneliness. At such times, we are motivated to establish ties, to make new acquaintances, to visit old friends, or just to call a relative on the phone.
•Affiliating with others brings many benefits (e.g., we can share food or team up for mutual safety).
•We need people to satisfy our other social goals.
•How do you start communicating?
–“You remind me of someone I used to date.”
–“I feel a little embarrassed about this, but I’d like to meet you.”
–“Hi?”
Communication may be defined as a process of sending and receiving messages.
–Conversation A
–Q: How’s your family?
–A: . . . . . .
–Conversation B
–Q: How’s your wife?
–A: . . . . .
–Q: How is your family?
–A: . . . . . .
The communication process
•The communication process consists of a message being sent and received.
–The message may be verbal or non-verbal.
•Sending the message:
•There are four elements involved in sending a message.
–the person (sender) formulates the message he/she intends to communicate.
–consider barriers that may affect the message.
–encode the message (e.g., type it).
–send the message.
•Receiving the message:
•There may be four elements involved in receiving a message.
–the person (receiver) will hear/see the message you sent.
–the message may be affected by barriers.
–the person decodes the message.
–the person acts on the message or replies to it.
Types of communication
•Verbal communication:
–it includes written and oral communication.
–the oral communication refers to the spoken words in the communication process.
–oral communication can either be face-to-face communication or over the phone or over the internet.
Oral communication
Written communication:
–postal mail.
–e-mail.
–text message.
•The effectiveness of written communication depends on the style of writing, vocabulary used, grammar, clarity and precision of language.
•Non-verbal communication:
•Non-verbal communication involves messages, including images & video, sent without using words.
•Non-verbal communication includes:
–body language
–facial expression
–body posture
–hand gestures
Other aspects of non-verbal communication:
–Body language. You communicate a lot through your body movements.
–Personal space: Your personal space is like an invisible bubble that surrounds you. You use the space around you to communicate how you want to relate to others.
–Touching: Touching communicates through physical contact. A pat on the back says “Good job!” a hug says that you care. Touching can send negative messages, too.
–Physical appearance: Your appearance is one of the most powerful forms of nonverbal communication. Your clothes can say “I’m an individual” or “I am part of the group”.
–Time: The way you use your time communicates what is important to you. Watching television all evening instead of doing your homework says that your school work is not very important to you.
Understanding interpersonal communication
•Listening skills:
–the ability to listen is just as important as the ability to express yourself.
–a poor listener is probably a poor communicator too.
–listening is not the same as hearing. When you hear, you are aware of the words being said.
–when you listen, you understand the message.
Some listening skills:
–take time to listen.
–assume that the other person has something worthwhile to say.
–pay attention and keep an open mind.
–listen for meaning rather than for facts and details.
–avoid making quick judgments.
–show interest in what the other person is saying.
–resist distractions. Avoid criticizing and giving advice.
–listen even if you disagree with what is being said.
–try to understand the other person’s viewpoint.
Communication barrier is one of the problems faced by many people and organizations.
–many social psychologists opine that there is 50% to 70% loss of meaning while conveying the messages from a sender to a receiver.
–they estimate there are four basic places where communication could be interpreted wrongly.
–a few barriers of effective communication in an organization are given below.
Other barriers to effective communication:
–Emotions: Your emotions (e.g., anger) could be a barrier to communication.
–Lack of subject knowledge: If the one sending the message lacks knowledge on the subject matter then he may not be able to convey his message clearly.
–Stress: When one is under stress, one may find it difficult to send or decode a good message, leading to communication distortion.
–Attitudinal barriers: It may result from problems with other people in a school setting or an organization