Interpersonal conflict: What’s it?
Understanding interpersonal conflict
•Conflict may be a normal part of social interactions (i.e., interaction between people).
•A relationship with some level of conflict may be healthier than one with no conflict at all.
•Conflict may occur at many levels of interaction:
–at the workplace
–among friends
–within families
–between love birds
–between business partners
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Levels of conflict
•Intrapersonal conflict (i.e., conflict within an individual).
•Interpersonal conflict (i.e., conflict between individuals).
•Intragroup conflict (i.e., conflict within a group).
• Intergroup conflict (i.e., conflict between groups).
•What’s conflict?:
•It is “struggle between two or more people over values, or a competition for power or status or for scarce resources” (Moore, 1986).
•According to Nicholson, it is when two or more people or groups endeavour to pursue goals which are mutually inconsistent.
–a zero-sum equation?
•Sources of/influences on interpersonal conflict:
•Cognitive variables:
–Prejudice/stereotypes
–Impression formation
–Self-fulfilling prophecy
•Personality variables:
–Individuals with certain personality traits (e.g., quick-tempered).
–Anger
–Frustration
•Other possible causes of conflict:
–Arguments
–Provocation
–Abuse
–Uncontrolled emotions
–Lack of information/knowledge
–Access to weapons
–Alcohol use
•Sometimes people shy away from conflict, and the reasons for this are numerous.
–They feel that their underlying anger may go out of control if they open the door to conflict.
–They may see conflict as an all-or-none situation (either they avoid it altogether or they end up in an all-out combative mode).
•Unhealthy ways:
–Avoiding or denying the existence of a conflict.
–A person blaming another for the conflict.
–Resolving conflict by using power and influence.
–Resolving conflict through compromise by manipulation.
•Fear the Greeks when they give you gifts?
•Healthy ways:
–Both parties must view the conflict situation as a mutual problem.
–Each person must participate actively in the resolution through effort and commitment.
–Mutual trust and respect as well as positive attitude must be used.
–Effective communication is key.
–Cooperation on common goals is key.
Communication techniques to resolve conflict
•Defusing technique: The other person might be angry and may come to the situation armed with arguments describing how you are to blame for the conflict. Your goal is to address the other’s anger and you do this by simply agreeing with the person.
•Empathy: Try to put yourself into the shoes of the other person. See the world through their eyes. Empathy is an important listening technique which gives the other person feedback that he or she is being heard.
•Exploration: Ask gentle, probing questions about what the other person is thinking and feeling. Encourage the other to talk fully about what is on his or her mind.
•Using “I” statements: Take responsibility for your own thoughts rather than attributing motives to other people.
•Stroking: Find positive things to say about the other person, even if he/she is angry with you.
A model/guideline for resolving conflict
•Identify the problem: Have a discussion to understand both sides of the problem. The goal at this initial stage is to say what you want and to listen to what the other person wants. Define the things that you both agree on.
•Come up with possible solutions: This is the brainstorming phase. Drawing on the points that you both agree on and your shared goals, generate a list of as many ideas as you can for solving the problem, regardless of how feasible they might be.
•Evaluate the solutions: Go through the list of alternative solutions to the problem. Consider the pros and cons of each solution and narrow the list down to one or two of the best ways of resolving the problem.
•Implement the solutions: It is important to agree on the details of what each party must do, who is responsible for implementing various parts of the agreement, and what to do in case the agreement starts to break down.
•Evaluate & revise the solution: Conflict resolutions should be seen as work in progress. Ask the other person from time to time how things are going regarding the resolution of the conflict
Conflict resolution: Another model/guideline
•Avoiding style
–Unassertive and uncooperative
•Forcing style
–Assertive and uncooperative
•Accommodating style
–Unassertive and cooperative
•Collaborating style
–Assertive and cooperative
•Compromising style
–Intermediate level of assertive and cooperative behaviour